On International Day against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia LGBT people wrote letter to their parents to share their feelings and emotions but they were unable to give those letters to parents and only ready them for the queer community. Some mothers who accept their LGBT children decided to show their support and wrote letters to their sons and daughters to show their solidarity and support towards those who are still in a closet.
Tatev
“When my daughter said she loves a girl… at first I just froze because I wasnt’ expecting those words, but after a few seconds it passed, because the feeling when your child is being taken away, you can lose her, or she can be hurt started to hurt my soul, but it took a short while, because I had this feeling when my brother has told me a few years ago that he was bi (Bisexual) and he has loved the guy I was dating and added that the guy started a relationship with me to get close to him … During those minutes my daughter saw my mental breakdown, I started to laugh uncontrollably , because I couldn’t say a word anymore… After a few minutes I said “ Don’t you bother, it’s temporary” I don’t know how cruel this answer might has sounded for her, but in fact I just wanted to hug her, stroke her hair and say “I am always by your side, no matter who is next to you, woman or man, the most important thing to me is your happiness and love that you will feel, and most importantly that love you feel is real, that it is the biggest feeling for you, that your heart pops out when you meet your significant other , you will get sad leaving them, even if you know that it is temporary, you enjoy living with them , feeling their presence, touch, kiss…
I wanted to explain that all my life I dreamed of having my own little girl, cherishing her, buying beautiful clothes for her, playing with her, holding her like a little doll, as many would say…
When I’m asked what I would say to other parents, I answer in one word “They are our children”, but in reality I want to say except from being your children, remember how much you wanted them, counted the days before they were born, remember how you did everything possible to keep them healthy and most importantly being a mother is not just about giving birth to a baby, it has more to do with it, mother feels all the pain of her newborn, a heartbeat, mother smiles and cries with baby, if something happens to a child what feelings mothers are going though. Do you remember how we’ve forgotten about ourselves and did everything possible to make our children healthy, happy? Do you remember when they were little we were trying to understand what they’ve said? We were happy with every step, every victory they’ve had in the first stages of life. I want to ask mothers who reject their children or try to ignore their problems, have you ever thought what you would do if your children were little? I understand you feel pain, you feel fear, but is this what you want to say to your child, shout at them, blame them, call them sick, that they need to be cured, would you say this when you were pregnant, or when you were giving birth to them? Remember happiness that you felt when you saw your baby for the first time in the hospital, what you would do if they’ve said that your child would be different, would you leave them in the hospital?
Of course no, I am sure that all mothers would respond in the same way, saying it doesn’t matter they are my miracle, because it is really a wonderful feeling, the parent should be very patient, try to understand the child, it is very difficult, I know no parent is ideal but we need to try. I also can't always be ideal, but I try to talk, to understand even if not at the moment, but at least write and explain my feelings about their mistake and what consequences it might have and try to find a solution together … That is a real parent-child relationship, I want to remind to other parents even if our children grow up, it doesn’t mean anything, they are still small and it is difficult for them without their mother, although they might run from a lot of maternal love, but every time when I style my daughters hair I have the same feeling when she was little, when I was I was trying to brush her hair and she was running away to play… when I cook I remember when she was young, and how I was convincing her that this is healthy, eat this food… What I’m trying to say is that being a parent is our duty and they are not guilty for making their choices, we are not to be blamed for being inexperienced/unexperienced , we don’t know much and we haven’t even tried to find out, but please understand them and never forget that they are ours, our children, doesn’t matter how much they’ve grown up, they are still our little ones and it is still our duty not to leave, not to blame them, but to stand by their side and try to help as much as we can, like we did when they were little, show them that we are still the best parents like we were doing when they were little, because the words we would say to a child, good, bad ,offensive ,I don’t even want to talk about biting them, children will always remember those words even when we pass away..”
Ruzik
“Long-awaited baby
On a frosty March night in 1999, I felt sick. I was pregnant. My fourth child was being born. I was very excited because the birth was very much awaited. My husband had been involved in the war in the nineties and had suffered severe injuries, which had taken away the joy and happiness of my home. And here comes the new hope of our home, the new miracle that should change the gloomy lifestyle of us. And by the fate or by other powerful forces, I don’t know, my baby was born in a male body.”You had a boy”, said the doctor. To be honest, we wanted to have a girl more, but our wishes didn’t matter, because we had to embrace our baby with parental love and warmth.
Son, when you were just going to kindergarten, I’ve already noticed your differences, your features, your approaches. I also noticed that there were times when you were being bullied by your peers in kindergarten. I was worried, scared, terrified. I didn’t know how I can protect you, you probably remember that I was desperate. I could start a fight with anyone who was trying to offend you. I needed to always be with you and protect you. Then you started to go to school. I knew you were hiding a lot of things. Many times I have gone to school and asked questions to your teacher. The disgusting thing was that the teacher insisted that everything was great with you, that you were not being bullied, that you were communicating well. And I foolishly believed those lies. I apologize to you for not being able to be with you at that time, to know, understand what is happening to my baby. I don’t have enough words to explain what is going on in my heart when I remember it and imagine what you have gone through. I think it is very hard for all mothers to know that their baby was in need and that they were being told lies.
I was very proud of you. You were distinguished by your behaviour, grades, and perception in the classroom. I was coming out of parents meetings with great expectations for the future. I knew I was raising a good person, a person fit for humanity, but I didn’t know that that person was hiding a large part of the reality from me that I would know years later. I felt that there were disturbing things for you, I felt, I saw that you didn’t fit in with this society, I saw you adapting western ideas for your goals and dreams , because you knew that it is safer for you. I didn’t understand it. I did not ask myself why a student who hated German became very interested and persistent in learning that language. In fact, you were doing it for your own safety. And I still didn’t understand anything. You’ve graduated from school, your goals and dreams have set you on the path of translator. You already knew what you wanted. You only needed us to be by your side. You’ve been accepted to the university. In the first half of the studying year you’ve already started to miss classes, and you didn’t explain that not to us, not to your lecturers. My heart was exploding. I felt a danger, a great danger that you might be in. I have already lost my mind, I didn’t understand anything, it had become a necessity for me to know where my eighteen-year-old son was going. It was uncertain. In one moment I just felt that you were starting to get depressed so I stopped asking because that stress could affect your lessons. I had become silent. But my heart continued to burst with anxiety.
The months went by and it seemed that everything had fallen into places. You were studying pretty well. I was pleased and happy. Until… in July you told me you were going to go to the province of Syunik, to spend some time with friends. You have had many such short-term visits, and this should not be any different. We wished you good luck and you went… On August 4, I read the news that LGBT activists were beaten in the province of Syunik. I knew you were good to these people, but I didn’t know… After several hours of receiving your call, I was convinced that you were one of those young people. Oh God, they’ve tried to kill my baby hours ago, and I was sitting quietly at home. I can’t forgive myself. No matter how hard you tried to lie about how you’ve got hurt and injured, I wouldn’t believe it. I was counting down the seconds when that taxi will take me to you and I will get back with my kind, smart, and willing baby. I kept all that in my head, not wanting to show my anxiety to your father and brother.
You came back ... I wish I was blind and didn’t see the bruises on your face, other parts of your body. The more you tried to hide them, the more they were visible for me. I couldn’t wait anymore, I wanted to know the truth. But I decided to give you time. I left you for a few hours to think. And in the evening I came to you. I already knew what we would talk about. But for me at that moment your face was more important, which was still bleeding, and you had many other injuries, and a soul that was hurt too. You have already taught me, my child, that there are different people in the world. If I’m not mistaken it was Evtushenko’s poem “There are no uninteresting people in the word”. I’ve already known that not all people have same desires and ways of thinking. Thats what you taught me. And I have heard what I already knew, from your good, innocent lips. I knew: I knew from the time you were just going to kindergarten. I knew, my good friend.
After all, friends know each other well. I knew, but I was silent because I was scared, no, not for me, but for you, because you know too, what dirty thoughts, perceptions our society has. Sorry: Im sorry I’ve been with you for so long, but I didn’t understand what you needed. Sorry, you had to go through your classmates’ bulling, and I didn’t care enough to help you. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I can’t hold back my tears, I start to feel guilty when I think about what you have gone through, what you have seen. Sorry for my inaction. I have loved you, I love you and will always love you no matter whom you will live with. Thats not essential. For me, as your mother it is vital to have a happy child. As to where he will be, with whom and how, it’s your choice. I will be by your side already knowing exactly what you need to be happy.
I love you very much.”
The letters were shared with us by Pink Armenia, “a community-based LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans) organization, which means the organization has been established by LGBT people, serves and supports the needs of the community, and promotes the LGBT persons’ human rights protection process and advocates for the change of public policy around LGBT issues”.